All couples experience conflict. For some it’s battles about money and for others it’s a sex life that’s lacking or a pattern of constant arguing. And the coronavirus pandemic has added, yet another potential stressor that there is more time at home together, which can exacerbate tensions or expose hidden cracks in a relationship.
Therapy can help. Contrary to what some may believe, it’s not about finger-pointing, who did what or who is to blame. Rather, couples therapy provides tools for communicating and asking for what you need.
Many partners struggle together for years before trying therapy, but it’s always better to go earlier in the process. Unhealthy behavior and resentful feelings can become more difficult to change the longer that they continue.
Marriage counseling usually brings couples together for joint therapy sessions. Counselors help couples to understand the sources of their conflicts and try to resolve them. Through this couples analyze both the good and bad parts of their relationship. Talking about your problems with a marriage counselor may not be easy.
Some sessions may pass in silence or shouting and arguing. After a few sessions, you may find improvement in your relationship. But on the other hand, many couples don’t admit that marriage needs help and they give negative statements about the counselor. However, marriage counseling can help address and resolve issues that couples may not realize are the core of their problems.
Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy. Marriage counseling helps couples of all types recognize and resolve conflicts and improve their relationships. Through marriage counseling, you can make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding and strengthening your relationship or going your separate ways.
One of the main reasons people seek marriage therapy is for help with intimate and close relationships. And while couples counseling tends to be viewed as something for only relationships in crisis, there are many reasons people in relationships might pursue it. Some are small, some larger, but all are important and deserve to be explored and worked on.
Many people think that only couples who are about to get divorced should seek marriage counseling. But it is not true, there are some specific issues that usually indicate couples to seek counseling.
Here are some reasons why you need marriage therapy:
1. Poor Communication
Negative communication and withdrawal can be equally detrimental. When conversations quickly turn negative, partners can feel depressed, insecure, and disregarded. Withdrawing from or avoiding conversation can have the same effect, and has the added negative result of making unspoken complaints increase in importance and severity as they remain unaddressed.
2. Lack of Intimacy or Incompatible Sex Drives
Changes in the levels of and expectations around intimacy can create major problems in a relationship. Reasons for a lack of intimacy are many and nuanced; things like medication, work stress, life changes, depression, and more can affect individuals differently.
3. Inability to Forgive or Move Past Issues
Traumatic relationship events, such as an affair, can be emotionally catastrophic to a marriage. Events like this impact both partners in more ways than one, prompting feelings of betrayal, rejection, depression, and despondence.
4. A Reoccurring Issue
“We keep having the same argument over and over again.” Nearly everyone has said or heard this phrase at one time or another in a relationship. Recurring issues can happen for a variety of reasons and are usually accompanied by poor communication.
5. Finances
Disagreements over money are one of the top reasons couples find themselves in conflict. When partners disagree about how finances are handled, conflict can escalate quickly and become a screaming match.
6. Kids
No matter how much a couple loves their children, most can agree that at one time or another they’ve felt immense stress over responsibilities and parenting issues surrounding their children. Children add a complex layer to any relationship – in fact, research has shown repeatedly that 75% of couple’s reports diminished marital satisfaction following the birth of their first child.
7. Missing the Spark
When couples become more like roommates than a married couple, this may indicate a need for counseling. If there is a lack of communication, conversation and intimacy or any other elements the couple feels are important and they feel they just “coexist,” this indicates emotional alienation and detachment that is highly predictive of divorce.
All relationships are difficult in some form or another. There will be disagreement, conflict, and hurt even in the best of times. Relationship counseling can help individuals and couples grow and heal. Like all types of therapy, the lessons learned and behaviors changed will continue to serve each person for much longer than the therapy itself.
You should seek help as soon as possible. If you think your marriage life is getting into trouble. Or you’re going to marry but still have time to decide, whether it’s good or not.
It takes work to have a solid and positive relationship. Couples counseling is worth considering for any couple and can promote mutually beneficial change for years to come.
At People Psychology Brighton, we urge couples to seek professional help when they aren’t able to talk about their problems in a mutually respectful, beneficial way. We understand and seek out the reasons that cause a lack of physical expression, and work to get both partners to a point of compassion and intimacy that works for them.
Also, Psychology Brighton are skilled in developing plans for couples to focus in on what’s causing the problems, and solidifying techniques to keep the problems from occurring in the future.
All marriages require work, but when one or both partners start to feel emotionally disengaged the marriage becomes highly vulnerable to further deterioration without outside help. At People Psychology Brighton, those couples willing to commit to the process of marriage counseling find themselves developing a deeper understanding of their partner, their needs, and their individual expressions of love. Marriage counseling is the perfect way to remind each other why you fell in love and keep it that way – contact People Psychology Brighton today to get started building a happier, healthier marriage!